Grace
Texts – Ezekiel 2:8-3:11; Ephesians 2:4-10; Matthew 9:9-13 (Festival of St. Matthew, September 21, 2014)
What is the nature/essence of the Christian life? Nothing like a light question to start with.
I am now 60 years old. (I know, I know I don't look nearly that old). One of the benefits of being 60, at least when I can remember something, is that I am privileged to look back over my life. As a Pastor I am privileged to look back at the interaction of the lives of many different people. Not only am I allowed to look back. But in that reflection I can question the nature of Christian life – and particularly my Christian life, such as it is.
As I do so, I remember one of my seminary professors saying to our class about a week before our final exams, "When I think that you will soon be Pastors, I am caused to pray fervently". Thank God for his prayers. I pray that they continue.
As Pastors we are called to preach and preside every week – no matter what. No matter how we feel – physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. We are continually called to preach, preside, visit and offer counsel in the light of Gospel. Honestly, there are days and nights when we don't feel like doing any of that. There are times when my own state has been so fragile, so frazzled that I may not even know if I actually believe what I am called to proclaim. There are days and nights when we walk or limp into emergency rooms where people are dying or have died, people of all ages. There are times when we are called to sit, even mediate with couples who have vowed to love one another but who can no longer live together. There have been evenings I have headed into my 90th meeting of the year, to debate that all encompassing question as to what kind of carpet should be laid in the narthex. Underneath that debate is what "Mary" might think about that. In those times we may want to throw our hands up in the air and say, "to hell with it". But then after one of those awful meetings, one or more of our council members invite us out or over for a beer. In those moments they give us a window into their hearts – their joy, their pain, their dream for something that will make a difference at least for some. Then we no longer want to throw our hands in the air in exasperation. Perhaps we utter a deep and heart-felt thank you..., even a thank you God!
I remember my worst sermon. To the best of my recollection that sermon was preached on my internship. I was 23. I had done incredible textual studies, considered the variants, the parallels. I had fashioned stories that painted what I knew was the main thought of the text. My sermon would be grand. But two minutes in, even I could tell – I wasn't connecting. So, with great bravado, actually desperation, I abandoned my manuscript. Then in a halting and repetitive manner I went on for another 5 minutes before gracefully uttering an Amen. Even my mother upon greeting me at the door said, "You'll do better next time son." That was even more deflating.
Five weeks later an older woman of the congregation knocked on my office door. I had known her since being a babe in arms. This woman asked, "Pastor, do you remember the sermon that you gave 5 weeks ago?" I nodded, groaning inwardly. I had hoped everyone had forgotten. "Well", she said, "Before I came to church that morning my 18 year old granddaughter told me that she was pregnant"... Now the older woman looked at her feet, tears cascading over her face, falling upon the floor."I love my granddaughter Pastor. I had such hopes for her. She is smart. She would be educated. She will have opportunities that no one else in our family has had. And now, this... I told her right then 'I am so disappointed in you'. I told her that I don't want to talk to her anymore. Then I came to church. You said in your sermon that God loves us, just as we are. You said we see how much God loves us in Jesus' life, suffering, death and resurrection. You said that in Jesus God forgives us everything. You said that because we are being forgiven, with God's help we can let go of other's wrongs – whatever they are. I knew right then, that GOD WAS TALKING TO ME. I need my granddaughter's forgiveness for what I said to her. So today, I told her I was so sorry for hurting her. I promised to support her in whatever she decides to do with her baby." Then this older woman said, "I just wanted you to know". She hugged me and left.
What a humbling and a joyful experience for me. I definitely fumbled the ball that morning in my preaching. But somehow God uses our efforts making something out of them.
Grace – mercy. It doesn't depend on us – really! This is our hope as we walk into the many rooms of our lives, with different people and different circumstances. We don't have the answers. Yet we are called to somehow bear within us and around us the creative and redeeming Word of God, Christ Himself. We don't know how. Sometimes we aren't even sure why. But here we are.
This – the love and mercy of God, in and with Jesus is at the root of any and all Christian life.
I remember visiting an older Norwegian woman in a hospital. The very next week one of her grandsons was to be ordained as a Lutheran Pastor. I said, "Beda you must be very proud of Bruce." She smiled. Then she said something I will never forget. " One thing I pray for him, Pastor." "What is that?" I asked. Smiling, she said, "Humility. I pray that he always remembers that God is the One who is doing all that is good and wonderful."
Humility – not self effacement but humility. Remembering all the places we have been privileged to be, the people we have been called to love – some so easy, gracious and kind; others more irascible, ornery, difficult to love. Humility – the source of our care, our concern, our ability to keep on keeping on is not in ourselves. Humility: we need to keep availing ourselves of the love of God in intentional ways so that we do not forget. Beda was on to something.
Maybe that's what God is saying in urging Ezekiel to eat the scroll. We also are to hear, to be opened to God's word to us: a word of love, encouragement, direction in any and all circumstances. Sometimes the word is difficult. Sometimes it is sweet. But it is ever intended for good.
Many of the realities that are good, that come from God the source of all goodness, will lead us into joy. Sometimes such joy results in toe tapping, hand clapping, back slapping hugs touching the essence of whose we are. Presiding at a baptism with a parishioner who wasn't sure that he believed but then one day told his wife, "Yes, I do believe. I do want our daughter to be baptized". The joy of being with people who have just decided that they will travel together on life's journey and they want to tell you first. Joy -when someone comes to peaceful terms with their approaching death. They can genuinely say, "It's OK. I know whose I am. I trust that God will help me and guide me." Such joy is beyond euphoria or happiness.
Such joy and humility emanate from the grace of God.
Lastly, part of the essence of the Christian life is what the writer to the Ephesians says in the final verse of today's pericope: For we are what God has made us, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand to be our way of life."
We could debate ad infinitum the meaning of good works. I am not for a minute attempting to say that good works have anything to do with God being gracious to us. What I am attempting to say is this: since God gifts us with so much, since God delivers us from so much, FOR SO MUCH – let's boldly live the so much.
We can boldly be who we are. We can speak and write, dance and paint, love and forgive, dream and advocate uniquely, personally and collectively. We do not need to be ashamed or hesitant. It is God who opens the doors – in hospitals, homes, council chambers, schools, at work – maybe even synod offices and church buildings. We are called to follow the One who loves first, this Jesus the Christ, however we feel. Somehow, some way God provides even through us. It is miraculous, humbling, joyful, difficult – all grace. Amen.
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