Our identity
Easter 4c, April 17, 2016 (John 10:22-30)
Sometimes we struggle with our identity – with who we really are.
When I was a little boy, to my mind, my identity was still unfolding. I was Ken and Vera's son. But what that meant was batted around daily. If I did well at school, I saw myself as being good. Or, if I had a great day on the athletic field in my fastball, hockey, and tennis games – I felt good about myself, that I was worthwhile. But when I didn't have those "good" days – like in shop when I was all thumbs and my friends would laugh at my woodwork, or in provincial championships where on occasion I went 0 for 5 hitting – well then I felt ... horrible. For moments, sometimes longer, I felt no good, nothing, sometimes even a "loser". I could hear the chants of the opposing teams. Sometimes those denigrating voices went off inside myself.
As time passed by I finished university. Then I graduated from seminary. To be sure, I experienced some incredible ups and downs in those years. Yet I had a sense that I was moving forward. Eventually I was blessed to meet an amazing woman. She still loves me. Later I was blessed to begin to become a father. There are all kinds of ups and downs in that experience. I accepted a call to a congregation and people called me "Pastor". Wow – what an honour, what a privilege, what responsibility. I often thought and even felt that I knew who I was, who I am.
But still, there are times when our identity is much more complex than first glance or outer appearances. As a husband, I love my wife. But I don't always act towards her in loving ways. To be sure, I deeply love my adult children. Yet sometimes I am less than loving or patient or open to their ways. And, I am still called to be a Pastor, your Pastor for a little while yet. But sometimes I am tired. Sometimes I don't pray for you. Sometimes I have hesitated to offer courageous leadership because I have lacked trust in God and then wondered about whether or not we could do whatever I sensed God calling us to.
Then there are times like this last week- where an accident, where the realities of life and death propel us upwards and downwards as if we were actually living on a roller coaster. Sunday we learned of Cassandra's fall from a cliff. By late Sunday evening I had heard that she would be able to walk again soon. Thanks be to God. But before we could even exhale on early Monday we learned that our beloved Shirley had suddenly died. Her death is incredibly difficult for us. Shirley, was ... Shirley. Loving, kind and so often deeply and actively thoughtful. She had a way of drawing us into her orbit by her steadfast love, by her standards of hope and excellence. Now, so suddenly she has died. There is no way we could have anticipated that. And even if we could, I am not sure it would be any easier.
To add to all of this we have just learned that finally that Wayne has suffered a bowel obstruction. He required surgery. Again, thankfully he is recovering, slowly but surely.
If all of this hasn't been enough for us today we learn of devastating earthquakes claiming lives and uprooting the peoples of Japan and Ecuador. On some level this seems far away. But these people, just like us are created and loved by God. Like us they have friends and parents, brothers and sisters, children. Can we imagine their reality now?
So it is - our thoughts and feelings about ourselves, our self understanding continues to be batted about by the wind and rain of reality.
Who are we? Who am I? Who are you?
Are we merely dust? Do we impact a few, maybe even a few hundred and then disappear? As amazing, as wonderful, as mysterious as our lives are, do we live and breathe for a merely a few moments in the scope of time and then ... that's it? Are we only like the handiwork of a child, a building of sand on the beach to be washed away, literally erased by the incoming waves?
During his life on earth many people questioned Jesus' identity. Some people still do. Was he only a good man, an amazing teacher, delusional, or even a lunatic? Or, is he, as he himself claimed, the Son of Man, as so many others, millions even billions of people have come to know and experience, the Good Shepherd, the Bread of life, the Son of God, the Messiah, the Christ? Just who is Jesus?
As he encounters us in today's Gospel it's winter. Jesus is walking in the Temple, near the East Gate. It is the festival of light, Hannukah. He's been teaching there. He's been loving people there. And now, because there is a dispute about his identity, some ask him to tell them plainly who he is. He tells them this plainly, "I have told you and you do not believe". He reminds them that everything he does points to who he is. People once blind, can now see. People declared guilty by others, even seemingly deserving death, have been forgiven. He reminds those passing judgement that none of them, indeed no one, is without sin.
He is making his way to Jerusalem. There he will be falsely accused, suffer and be horrifically executed. There he asks God to forgive those who execute him. On the third day he will be raised. He calls Mary by name, offers peace to his disciples, they who had abandoned him. Then He does the unthinkable. He gives them his spirit sending them out to share the good news. He is not dead but alive. Death and hatred do not win. God in Jesus' vulnerability and love, overcomes death and hatred for the sake of humanity, even all of creation.
Now Jesus points those who demand simple answers about his identity to a profound reality. He says, "My sheep hear my voice. I know them. And they follow me."
This is the voice of One who doesn't just say that He loves people and this world but actually gives Himself for all people and all creation. He refuses to give into hatred, violence or even apathy towards in the face of those who hate him or who choose to ignore him. Even now He is speaking to us, wherever we are, however we understand or feel about ourselves and this world.
He knows us intimately. Both what we present on the outside and what we hide on the inside. Knowing us, miraculously He still chooses to love us.
Do we hear his voice?
Oh God, help us to listen. For in his voice we can hear so much that is good for us – consolation as we mourn, assurance of whose we are however we are doing, challenge when we think we know best, encouragement and courage for the most difficult times. Jesus himself tells us. We are God's children, God's own sons and daughters. This is the reason for His being. And nothing, no one, no act, not death nor even hell itself can change that.
Hearing Him we are to follow this One, this Jesus who loves us and the world.
Following him is often difficult but it is good. Following him means that we are not alone. He is with us. His Spirit enlivens and stirs up faith within and among us.
Dear people, I cannot know exactly where you are on your life's journey. Nor can I know exactly how you feel or what you think about yourself and others right now. But with all my being I want you to know that God knows you. God chooses to love you. See God taking on our flesh in Jesus, living, loving, suffering, dying and being raised. He is alive and speaks to us even now. Regardless of our age, our past, our health, our feelings, our faith our doubt – we are his.
Oh dear people by God's grace trust Jesus, listen to him and follow him. In that journey is abundant life, right now no matter what, and forever. This is who we are and who we are called to be. Amen.